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How the Mutuality Mindset Helps Us Work with Others Towards Something Meaningful
Kare Anderson is a connective behavior and quotability speaker. Prior to that, she was a journalist for the Wall Street Journal, where she learned to ask questions that bring out interesting stories to write about.
In this episode, John and Sandra took turns asking Kare the questions that brought out her fascinating stories and insights.
Kare suggested a way to bring out talent in people through “specificity”. She proposed that when praising someone, mention the particular trait or characteristic that you appreciate, instead of simply blurting out generalized statements. The positive effect and impact on the person would last much longer.
Craft the narrative that pulls other people in because they see a role they want to play in your story. – Peter Guber
Kare demonstrated a technique to use when faced with someone who is loudly uttering insulting language. She disarms him with, “It’s clear you feel strongly about this too. Shall we explore to see if there’s any common area of mutual interest on this?” She said that by allowing someone to save face and self-correct, she avoids escalation of tempers.
Kare warned that it takes much practice and advanced thinking to prepare oneself for heated confrontations. She offered a three-step combo approach when faced with a verbal attacker: Exhale, make eye-contact with a “strong face” (no frown, no smile), and say “Let me think about that.”
For her final messages, Kare reminded us to believe in ourselves and to notice where we’re being pulled, so we get very specific on what our mission is in life.
She also encouraged us to be a supportive, proactive friend to people by helping someone before he knew he needed help in a way he didn’t know he needed and didn’t know you could provide.
What You’ll Learn
- A journalism technique to find other angles to make stories better.
- How to bring out the talent in people.
- Why people avoid conversations that have the potential to heal a bad situation
- How to disarm an angry person
- What to do when being verbally attacked
- How to work with a meeting planner before giving a presentation
- The value of specificity in conversations and presentations
- How Kare’s good business habits carry over to her personal life
- What is the “mutuality mindset”?
- A technique that Kare uses to bond with people who have opposite beliefs as she does
- Why many non-profit organizations don’t make it
- The Three Ms of public speaking
Resources
- Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want: by Nicholas Epley
- Team of Teams: New Rules of Engagement for a Complex World by General Stanley McChrystal
- Tell to Win by Peter Guber
- Getting What You Want by Kare Anderson
- Why Quitters Win by Nick Tasler
- Say It Better – Kare’s website
- Moving from Me to We – Kare’s blog
Join The Conversation
How about you, what’s the best strategy you use and do to resolve conflict?
Bio 
Kare Anderson is an Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter, now connective behavior speaker and columnist for Forbes and Huffington Post.
Anderson’s TED talk on The Web of Humanity: Becoming an Opportunity Maker has attracted over 1.3 million views.
Her clients are as diverse as Salesforce, Novartis, S.F. Giants and The Skoll Foundation.
She’s a founding board member of Annie’s Homegrown, co-founder of nine political PACs, and author of Mutuality Matters, Moving From Me to We, Getting What You Want and other books.
Anderson serves on the advisory boards of Gloopt, Raynforest, Watermark and TEDxMarin.
As David Rockefeller Jr. said after hearing her speak, “Kare forever changes how you see yourself and your world.”
