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How to Thrive in Adversity
Dr. James Kelley is a marketing professor at United Arab Emirates University. Outside of the campus, he spreads the message of his book, Crucible’s Gift, on how we can thrive despite all the “necessary adversities” we encounter in our lives.
Once we start looking through the other person’s lenses, it makes life so much easier to come to a compromise and collaborate. – Dr. James Kelley
Unnecessary angst and conflict arise when you stake your own opinions on the ground.
There’s one more thing about that other person that I don’t know and I might never know. – John Ramstead, talking about the mindset needed when dealing with a “difficult” person
When dealing with somebody who is giving us a bad time, we can’t possibly know another person’s full set of “baggage”. There’s always something what we don’t know about why that person behaves the way he or she does. Being aware of that helps us control our emotions during heated discussions.
Even if you disagree with a child, at the fundamental end of an argument, the child just wants to be heard. And that’s the same with an adult. – Dr James Kelley
When asked about his definition of “authentic leadership”, James said that he intentionally did not totally define it in the book because each of us needs something different in a leader. But he sees an authentic leader as someone who is trying to constantly improve and grow.
When you look back at your life, and you allow yourself to look at your past adversity moments and determine what was right about them, that becomes your growth opportunity. – Dr. James Kelley
James emphasized that in the “crucible moment”, it’s okay to be sad, angry, or frustrated… for a time. But at some point, we need to make the critical pivot of making the adversity define us, to us defining the adversity. That’s where the magic of growth lies.
We are all creating our own path. And at every point, there is a choice in how we look at something. – Dr. James Kelley
What You’ll Learn
- How to handle “difficult” people in your life
- Why arguing with an adult is fundamentally the same as arguing with a child
- James’s definition of authentic leadership
- What is it about “crucible moments” that make them growth opportunities?
- Why it’s healthy to be miserable (James admits that it sounds weird)
- The key factor in developing and embracing self-awareness
- The three levels of crucibles
- A simple but useful exercise to help use past adversities to create a better version of you moving forward
Resources
- Crucible’s Gift: 5 Lessons from Authentic Leaders Who Thrive in Adversity by Dr James Kelley
- Dr. James Kelley’s website
Bio
Dr. James Kelley is the youngest of 3 1/2 kids (long story) in a traditional Irish Catholic family, which means loud, sarcastic, passive aggressive and a touch of physical discipline, minus the obligation of Mass.
After completing his undergraduate degree, his life is a series of twists and turns, ups and downs and a few zigs and zags. The death of his father, an MBA, a year teaching English in Japan, a DUI, and three jobs later, he was a rudderless vessel at sea. However, one night on Portland State University’s campus, while attending an event for potential Peace Corps recruits, his life took an unsuspecting turn. In one brief conversation with four Ph.D. students, he realized that he wasn’t the dumbest person in the room, and thought a Ph.D. was possible.
In 2010, he completed his Ph.D. in International Marketing at the University of Western Australia and ascended to higher education.
Currently, he, his wife Mary and their four kids live just outside of Dubai where he teaches, runs a small consultancy, and works on writing his first of three books, which are based on his podcast Executives After Hours.
